Are you my orgasm?

My orgasm was lost. I don’t know where it went, but for a month and a half it was gone. I checked under the sofa cushions and in all my purses, still no orgasm. Seriously though, it was gone, and I actually didn’t notice for a while which was actually pretty odd. I don’t have a regular sexual partner right now so that might be contributing, but I still like to masturbate. While I was enjoying some great sexual fantasies, I never got my rocks off! I can think my way into some great situations and sexploitations but I can’t write my conclusion. I would try to masturbate, but would get bored halfway through and fall asleep; it was just taking too long. I didn’t notice it until recently when it happened again but it was in the afternoon and I already had my nap of the day, so going to sleep just seemed silly. I had to do something, but once you start worrying about something, especially an orgasm, it makes it harder to achieve. I had to do something, I couldn’t just wait for it to come back, I needed to have my orgasm back.
I’ve went to the tried and true place for quick solo sex; Internet porn. But no, it wasn’t doing it. It usually sucks, I’m not a big staged porn fan, but you can find a few gems of some good fucking. As long as the woman looks like she’s wet; I enjoy watching it. I think it’s so hard to fake real stimulation that when someone looks like they are enjoying getting banged, then I can use that to stimulate myself.
But nothing was doing it! Have my tastes become more discriminating? Those lesbian porns are just way too staged, it makes me sick actually. When you can tell they are just doing it for the paycheck it makes me feel dirty. Although I do like the ones that are blatant in their exposure, I like to know you are filming smut and that everyone in the room knows that you are doing something taboo for the world to see. I have a problem with a lot of the femdom stuff too, no one looks happy in those. I want you to be doing it because you get off on being an exhibitionist, not because you need the paycheck and have loose morals. It always looks too clinical and staged, like a bad play. I know I just contradicted myself, I like blatant plays, not badly staged ones. When they look like they’re enjoying fucking, both the man and the woman (or whatever combo) you can tell. (Well, I can) Even the amateur stuff, which used to be enough, looks too scripted. Sadly this opening of the sex industry to amateurs due to the Internet has created a whole new industry that has now also becoming commodified. There are woman who know they can make cash in amateur porn, (Talking to you Cordelia from bad girls!) and they try to look the part, it ruins it. Sorry all you “amateur” porn sites. And while I am ranting, European porn doesn’t do it for me either, yet again it makes me feel dirty since I know these women are being exploited. And not in a good way.
BUT
I came across this one website. Mind you I didn’t do any of the reading when I opened the page, I just went straight for the clips. They had potential, one woman had her legs spread and was masturbating while another woman had her nails wrapped through this guy’s wet curls holding his head close to her exposed crotch. He wasn’t too bad to look at and, wait…woah. This might work. They called him names, a gaggle of women could be heard in the background, teasing and taunting. The woman looked excited, she pushes him around and he looks like he enjoys it. He does as he’s told. He kisses her boots, he stares at her cunt, he moves his head when the woman holding him pushes it in a direction. The woman comes on his face, he’s dripping, she then grabs his head pulls him closer and smacks him across the face. (My personal favorite face slap, the hair hold and cheek slap) She smacks him while calling him a sick fuck, he agrees. I think I found my orgasm.
Then, when the afterglow is over I read the site….
eeeew bukakke, eeeeewww what is this shit?!?! To urban dictionary I go. I’ve heard the term being thrown around but this didn’t fit my understanding of the term. I thought it’s a girl who likes facials and being a cum slut. And according to the wise world of urban dictionary I am not off the mark. How can they be selling this femdom as bukakke because she has a g-spot orgasm and squirts on his face (oh, did I forget to mention that part, he’s wet for a reason). To my knowledge, those orgasms are hardest to fake, so that was a plus. And he was totally enjoying being called nasty and dirty and he WAS nasty and dirty, covered and wet…and gorgeous. He was wet and nasty and had big ole dopey sub eyes.
So now I’m torn by finding this incredibly hot, the submission, his doe eyes, the vulgarity of it, but I was also disgusted and skeeved, eeeew bukake. Don’t congressmen admit to shit like that during sex scandals?
I still don’t want to pee on people, I have problems peeing without putting the faucet on, and as someone who is anally clean, it just doesn’t look appealing.
Facials, not my bag either I don’t want cum in my eye or on my body, its sticky.
So why did I like this so much?
It didn’t look overdone, and the people involved were enjoying it, and the man was on his knees and cute and sadly covered in something drippy, I didn’t pay for the film, no need, I just needed a boost.
And that got me off,