Existential Crisis #1

So I've had some musings...but I don't think I really have enough readers to post an existential crisis. But I'll just go for it and see what happens.
so existential crisis #1:
So a little back story, I usually like a stable of men. Nothing serious, just a mixture of men I keep (and they spread to many continents), through e-mail, IM, phone and personal interactions I have a pretty sizable bunch. It's pretty much training wheels BDSM because I never had a community to call my own or people I could draw ideas from (thank you bitchy!!!) until now, so i was in the dark about a lot of stuff.
So these men I keep them around to make me feel good. A greeting card if you will. someone to always call me pretty, remember a wonderful time they had with me, and just generaly either lift my spirits or get me off when I feel like giving them the attention. But sometimes I lose one, and its always hard. they are MINE. mind you, i dont want to date them seriously, i just dont want them to date anyone else. i know, its selfish. So with my latest member defecting, i'm qestioning my ways. and also thinking...
ok, so now I have yet another requirement for the men I date. And the list was long to begin with.
Must be:
cute, intelligent, driven, witty, taller than me, fun to hang out with (staying in or going out), a good dancer, interested in travel, and able to explore new things and have fun
(mind you, i ususally give on some of these) This list is pretty long, and now i;ve added one more?!?!


with all my men defecting and my age not getting younger, am I just adding to my inability to ever find someone to grow old with?
ug, the feminist in me is pissed that i am thinking this way, but fuck it, i dont want to be wrinkly and all alone. what if i slip in the bathtub? they wont find me until the smell starts bothering my neighbors!! (if you couldnt tell, things aren't going well with boyfriend, we're kinda 'taking a break') grr
so frustrating