My First Impression

So when boyfriend told me this, my first thought was...um. Yeah that about summed it all up. The world-traveler, liberal feminist in me was like ok; don't dismiss this that quickly, ask more questions find out what he means and what this means. The suburban daddy's girl who was brought up with a catholic mother thought....eeeeeewww!
So that was my first introduction to the world of BDSM, and mind you, this is coming from a man, correction a boy whose only knowledge is his one time experience with a professional dominatrix and internet porn and wikipedia; not all credible sources. I will delve into his knowledge at another time, this blog is about me. SO, anyhow, tangent aside; all that was running through my mind was these amazonian women in harsh PVC ensembles forcing my adorable little boyfriend to do things that I couldn't even fathom, like lick their boots (why?) and tie him to things (potential) and hit him (didn't really get it). But since I think this boy is the bees knees, i went with it...and that brought a whole slew of problems for us; he thought I wasn't doing it for myself but was playing along because i wanted to please him (slightly true), but he also couldn't handle the honesty and the reality of the fact that he wanted to submit and be brought down by me. (He's one of those crazy alpha males in life, loves sports, plays the roughest ones, etc but very quiet and actually very tender)
BUT; what kept me in it and still does while I think through what I like (the bondage stuff is a real trip, and a little pain isnt bad, etc) and what I don't like (I'm not a fan of these archetypical female characters like the school matron who feminizes, or the godess who demands diety worship, etc. or a lot of the accessories, I like costumes and I like clothes and shoes, but all the weird leather and metal shit freaks me out, i don't like ball gags, or strap ons, there is nothing appealing in their asthetic representation) I get off on the power, its a rush. To see his big blue eyes look up at me with this vulnerability and absolute blind worship, it's a fucking trip. I like the coddling at the end, the holding of his head, I like him curling up in my arms even though he's almost twice the size of me, I like watching him not know what's coming next but willing to follow even though it might hurt (and how much pain can i really inflict?)
so while my first impression was slightly comic book like, i think I can make this work for me. But I still am not a big fan of established "fetish" scenes, too focused on accessories and "looking the part" and that look just happens to be a cross between victorian vampire erotica and school shooting head case, both of which don't do it for me.